If you’re reading this, congrats! You’ve transitioned to celibacy or already walking down the road. Kudos to wherever you are on the journey.
This post is to shine a light on something small that could trip you up along the way. Something seemingly trivial and ordinary. Something harmless and unassuming… D.Ms.
I heard this from radio host K.D. Bow a few years ago: what you’re willing to consume is what you’ll eventually be willing to consider.
It’s stuck with me ever since.
How many D.M. conversations have you had that ended up nowhere or left you in worse shape than you were before?
Direct Messaging isn’t a new concept.
We just get them quicker now and can receive them from all over the world, which means we always have access and everyone has access to us if we let them.
I’m getting to the point; stay with me.
You made a life-altering decision about your spiritual and physical health, choosing to be celibate.
It’s worth being aware of the distractions that can derail you.
So how can D.M.’s jeopardize your celibacy?
You ever noticed how D.M.’s come at the most inopportune time?
In the middle of heartbreak, anger, or frustration?
The last person you need to be talking to at the moment is the first person who messages you, just sliding through to bother you.
When you engage this person, you open a foothold to someone you already know isn’t good for you.
But you go through with it anyway because you’re in your feelings, and the more you entertain this person, the lesser your celibacy commitment becomes.
Most Come After Dark
The ‘how u doin’, ‘hey’ and ‘hey queen’ messages frequent most after the sun goes down.
Why can’t he message you at 12 noon on your lunch break vs. 12 midnight when you tryna sleep?
You were two months into your celibacy journey, feeling good and feeling great, and then you heard that first Messenger ping.
That was two weeks ago.
Long story short, yall met up after a few late-night conversations, you realized what you already knew about him, and you’re trying to start the celibacy thing all over again.
They’re Prompted by Pics
We’re visual creatures that respond accordingly to what we see.
A new profile pic or photo dump is the new catcall.
A slew of friend requests from guys with weak flirtations like ‘hey baby’ probably does not have your best interest at heart.
They’ll Keep Your Mind in Wonderland
Listen, you became celibate for a reason.
You wanted different results from life.
You cut old patterns to become a better version of yourself.
You didn’t do it to fantasize about what life could be like with whomever but likely never will be.
I know several people that met, dated, and married after meeting online, but those stories are anomalies; that’s not how it happens for most people.
Remember the quote from earlier? What you’re willing to consume is what you’ll eventually be willing to consider?
Consuming private messages will cause you to reminisce on the thing you’re trying to give up. Before long, you’ll be right back where you don’t wanna be.
Heartbroken and alone.
Whatever your reasons for becoming celibate, I imagine one of them was to focus on yourself and figure out your next steps in life.
Whether you just exited a long-term relationship or have been single for a while, you decided that abstaining from sex would help you achieve this goal. Protect your decision.
So what should I do?
By all means, keep using them if they work for you.
Keep at it if you use D.M.’s for business and connecting with family and friends.
Direct messages are, after all, a communication tool.
However, set boundaries if/when you need to. Ignore or mute messages, delete conversations.
Keep your block game strong.
Use common sense.
You know what you’re strong enough to handle.
Who knows, maybe you will meet your husband or wife online, but in this case, the initial conversations will feel more genuine, and they won’t all occur in the wee hours of the morning.
Lastly, for my faith friends out there, D.M.’s can interrupt your reconnection to God.
If you’re unmarried and became celibate to honor your rekindled relationship with God, know that you’ll be challenged in this area until you can master it.
Entertaining direct messages or anything else that adds no substance to your life is a foothold to destruction.
It’s the little foxes that destroy the vine (Solomon 2:15).
Chassidy‘s been a member of Thy Kingdom Has Come International Ministries for 14 years. “I love my church because it’s a place of transformation through the power of Jesus Christ. It stands for everything God loves”. She serves as a minister, administrator and oversees the ministry’s social media efforts. Her hobbies include spending time with her family, traveling, writing, searching for bakeries and binge-watching her favorite movies/shows on streaming services she vows to stop paying for.